The year that stood still
This year has felt like one of the longest of my life, not because time stood still but because I often had to be at ease even when I couldn't afford to.
Years ago, my then-girlfriend, now-wife, helped me realize that I wasn’t good at dwelling on problems. Whenever there was an issue, my mind would go racing, immediately seeking a way out and coming up with all kinds of solutions.
I didn’t like the feeling of being stuck, so I did everything I could to avoid feeling that way or being in a position where I had to stay that way.
But all that fast-paced living and thinking only got me so far, and by the time this year came around, I had somehow resorted to staying still and being at ease when every fibre within me wanted to keep moving, stretching, and wrestling.
Being at ease means staying calm even when the circumstances and situations around you call for apprehension.
It’s way more difficult to be at ease than it is to be apprehensive. Although the latter does more harm than good, most people—or people like me—would much rather sit in that feeling of tension if it meant getting their way or getting a problem out of the way immediately.
But this year, I had to push myself to be at ease…
… as a person who always demands more from himself,
… as a spouse who needs to keep getting better for their partner,
… as a parent who can’t afford to let his child down,
… as a son, brother, cousin, and nephew whose family believes in him,
… as a friend who needed to be there for others when it was uncomfortable,
… as a business owner with salaries to pay and a brand to scale, and
… as a writer who shells out an average of 15,000 words a week, sharing stories and bringing someone else’s dreams to life.
This year, I’ve had to figure out how to be in these positions and more while being at ease and that’s made for a ridiculously long, personally challenging, but somewhat rewarding year.
Today, I’m better for it, but I’m also very tired. So, I’m looking forward to getting some rest, however possible, over the remaining few days of this year.
One day, I will speak of 2023 in more detail as the year that stood still even when life didn’t. And hopefully, I’d be able to do so with fondness and without regret.
Thanks for reading these letters whenever you could this year. If you’ve ever enjoyed any one of them, feel free to share with your friends — you might just get a chance to win this journal.
Enjoy the rest of the year.
Panic is your enemy, no matter what situation you’re in.
— Margaret Atwood.